SAM DOL – berbual

1 Mac 2014 by armadi

Kiriman Hisham sdpb

Yazid.. citer nya lebih kurang mcm nielah..

LAwak PENDEK
SAM: Kenapa kamu cakap minum
susu segar boleh bawa maut?
DOL: Sebab semalam semasa aku
tengah minum,lembu tu terajang
aku. Nasib baik tak mati.
———————————————
SAM: Apasal ko marah kat tokey
kedai 2 Ringgit tu?
DOL: Sebab dia tipu. Aku beli 3
barang dia mintak 6 ringgit. Kata
kedai 2 Ringgit
———————————————
SAM: Kau kata binatang peliharaan
kau mati lemas? Mana kau tau dia
mati lemas?
DOL: Sebab aku bela ikan emas.
aku jumpa ia mati dalam air!
———————————————
SAM: Semalam aku nampak hantu!
DOL: Uih! kau terkejut tak?
SAM: Taklah…. hantu tu yang
terkejut tengok aku.
DOL: Mana kau tahu?
SAM: Aku tengok muka dia pucat
semacam jer….
———————————————

SAM: Apasal kopi yang kau buat ni
rasa masin?
DOL: Gula dah habis!
SAM: Yang kau pergi campur garam
apasal?
DOL:Kan aku kata, sebab gula dah
habislah
———————————————

SAM: Aku tengok kau beberapa hari
ini “candle light dinner” dengan
bini kau, mesti dia suka.
DOL: Dia marahlah. Aku lupa nak
bayar bil elektrik, api rumah aku
dah kena potong!
———————————————

SAM: Aku ada AIDS? mana ada…
DOL: Aku baca 1 dari 10 orang kat
Negara ni ada aids. Aku dah tanya
9 orang, semua tak ada aids, kau
orang ke 10, tak payah tanya, aku
dah tahu…
———————————————

SAM: Dol, aku dengar bunyi batuk
kau makin teruk!
DOL: Iya ke? kalau macamni aku
kena banyak berlatih agar dapat
batuk dengan lebih baik lagi.
———————————————

SAM: Dah dua kali perompak yang
sama datang merompak kedai kita.
DOL: Tu lah aku dah cakap kat
kau,jangan pasang signboard “SILA
DATANG LAGI”@

Words of Wisdom

1 Mac 2014 by armadi

Kiriman Hisham sdpb
Subject:
Words of Wisdom

Words of wisdom for modern day living:

When we are in heaven
Our money is still in the bank.

When we are alive
We don’t have enough money to spend.

When we are gone
There is still a lot of money not spent

One tycoon in China passed away
His widow, with $1.9 billion in the bank, remarried his chauffeur.
His chauffeur said, “All the while I thought I was working for my boss. Now only I realise that my boss was all the time working for me !!! ”

The cruel reality is:
It is more important to live longer than to have more wealth. So we must strive to have a strong and healthy body, it doesn’t matter who is working for who.

A high end hand phone
70% of the functions are useless

An expensive car
70% of the speed is not needed

A luxurious villa
70% of the space is not occupied

A whole wardrobe of clothes
70% of it is not worn

A whole life of earning
70% is for other people to use

So we must protect and make full use of our 30%

Go for med exam even not sick
Drink more water even not thirsty
Must let go even faced with grave problems
Must give in even you are in the right
Must be humble even you are very powerful
Must be contented even you are not rich
Must exercise even you are very busy

LIFE IS SHORT

WE MUST LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST

YDP – kuliah 2 minit

1 Mac 2014 by armadi

Disampaikan oleh YDP Kelab Golf UTM

Two minute management course.
Intrsting sangat… Mesti share dgn sahabat 2 lama…

profesor ir dr Mohd Azraai Kassim

Lesson One…

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit ....saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”

The eagle answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Management Lesson – To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull…🐂.. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey.. was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson – Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.

Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat.... heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons – (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends your two-minute management course. …

Hmmmmm 🙂

Harimau beriman

1 Mac 2014 by armadi

Kiriman Kamsaini golfer utm

Alkisah seorang lelaki Islam ponteng solat Jumaat. Sebaliknya dia masuk hutan untuk memburu ayam hutan. Sedang dia terhendap-hendap di dalam semak, tiba-tiba dia berlanggar dengan seekor harimau yang sedang lena tidur.Dia begitu terkejut sehingga senapangnya tercampak lalu tergelungsur ke dalam jurang. Dia pula tergolek ke arah lain, jatuh ke atas batu dan KRAKKKK! Kedua-dua kakinya patah.Harimau tadi terus menghambatnya, sedangkan dia sudah tidak boleh bergerak lagi.”Ya Allah,” doa lelaki tersebut,”Ampunilah dosaku kerana ponteng solat Jumaat berjemaah pada hari Jumaat yang mulia ini ..Ampunilah aku ya Allah …makbulkan hajat ku ini .. jadikanlah harimau yang memburu aku, seekor harimau yang beriman .. tolong ya Allah! Aminnn..”Tiba-tiba guruh berdentum! Harimau tersebut tiba-tiba terhenti betul-betul di hadapan lelaki itu.Harimau itu bertukar menjadi seekor harimau yang beriman dan bersopan santun.Sambil menadah kedua-dua kaki depannya ke langit …Harimau tersebut pun berdoa: “Allahumma barik lana, fima razaktana, wa qina azzabbannar. Amin

budin yang jujur

1 Mac 2014 by armadi

kiriman Sufi sdpb

1. Guru : Budin ! Di mana letak Jantung?
Budin : tak tau cikgu !
Guru : Bodoh! Keluar!
*keluar sebentar dan masuk lg*
Budin: cikgu, di luar juga tidak ada jantung

Guru:

2. Guru : Kenapa lewat ?
Murid : Saya diragut puan
Guru : jadi kamu tidak apa2 ?
Murid: takde apa2 puan, tapi ada yang hilang
Guru : Apa yg hilang?
Murid : Buku HW saya puan

3. Guru : Siapa yg ingat pelajaran minggu lepas ?
Murid : *pening* ..
Guru : Budin? Kmu ingat tak?
Budin : Sudahlah puan ~ Yang lepas tu
biarkan saja ia berlalu
Guru : whaat the ffissh ??

4. Guru : budin, jangan meniru !
Budin : tak cikgu
Guru : jadi kenapa kau mlihat2 kertas si bidin ?
Budin : tak , soalan2 ni semua nya sama cikgu. Jadi saya kena lah sama kan jawapan nya juga 

5. Guru : Ok, siapa yg boleh jawab boleh balik
Murid : *murid lempar beg ke jendela*
Guru : Siapa yang lempar beg itu tadi?!
Murid : Saya puan ! Yehhaa aku dah boleh balik !

6. Budin : kau ni asyik nak merokok je lah
Bidin: jadi kenapa?
Budin : macam mana kalau mati !?
Bidin : Tenang, aku dah bawa mancis ni , kalau mati nyalakan je ~

7. Guru : budin, lepas 7 berapa?
Budin : 8, 9, 10 puan
Guru : Bagus! Siapa yg ajar ?
Budin : Bapak aku puan
Guru : then , setelah 10 apa?
Budin : Jack, Queen, King puan !

8. Bapa : budin, kalau Exam ni engko tak lulus , jgn anggap aku ni bapak kau !

*lepas *

Bapa : budin, amacam lu punya result ?

Budin : Maaf, pakcik ni siapa ? ..